Dealing With Ageism As A Member of BTS ARMY

      According to Merriam-Webster Dictionary, ageism is defined as "prejudice or discrimination against a particular age group." Telling someone they are too old to do something is ageism. Whether that's someone telling another person they are too old to work a certain job, wear a particular outfit, or even stan a K-pop group. Conversations around ageism commonly revolve around worker discrimination or hiring practices but as of late I have seen a lot of conversations surrounding the topic on Threads as it relates to women who stan K-pop groups. It's certainly a conversation that needs to continue because it is getting out of hand.

     Women (mostly it seems) are being bullied online and some in real life, for stanning K-pop groups. This bullying based on age is actually happening in many different areas of fandoms, not just K-pop. I've seen cosplayers, fans of Sanrio characters, fashion influencers, and more posting that they were age shamed for what they enjoy collecting or participating in. For the sake of this post, I will only be talking about ageism and how it relates to BTS ARMY. 

   Usually it has been women who are over 30 years of age that I have seen mention being harassed with comments telling them they're too old to stan a K-pop boy band (mind you the "boys" in question are grown men but more on that later). Then there was the post someone made belittling anyone over 30 who has a K-pop fan page. Well I'm guilty as charged-what ya gonna do about it? Then there's a moot of mine who was told she was too old for K-pop and she's in her early 20's. Seriously? The person saying this must have been 13 because 20 is not old by any means. Only in a child's world would 20 seem old. 

     I'm 48 and I didn't even get into K-pop/BTS till I was 42. I never used to mention my age and I used to shy away from those posts asking, "How old will you be when BTS returns from enlistment?' It's only 22 months so it's not like a lot of monumental age changes will take place. I'll be 49 and I'll still be die-hard OT7 ARMY. Seeing the 20 and 30 somethings made me self-conscious of posting because I feared being judged for being older ARMY. As more older ARMY started to post their ages and talk about stanning BTS it made me feel like I wasn't alone being older ARMY. 

     So why are these people bullying over 30 K-pop fans? The offenders from what I see are usually other women in their 20's or younger. Not saying that men don't do a lot of the ageist bullying as well, but that's where ageism meets the intersection of sexism. I will cover that in another post. There's an element of internalized misogyny that shows up in these interactions where younger women age shame older women for being K-pop fans. It's often a reflection of what the younger female fans are seeing from men and projecting onto the older fans out of some sense of trying to seem better than them for being younger. It makes no sense because love of music, dancing, and artistry has no age limit. It often gives 'pic me' girl vibes where they think if men see them trashing other women, they get points with the red flag types of guys for being a different or edgy type. It's not cute at all. 

     Another issue related to ageism bullying as it relates to K-pop and BTS ARMY is a type of shaming of older ARMY for making sexual comments about BTS. Sex is something people have strong feelings about one way or the other. Negative feelings about sex and sexuality can come from strict religious beliefs, trauma, or the sexist idea that women should not be allowed to experience any kind of sexual pleasure and that sex is only for procreation. Wherever it comes from, it is that individual's issue and their beliefs should not be forced upon others. 

     I've seen people say that ARMY who are over 30 should not be "thirsting" over or making spicy sexual comments about BTS. Well, BTS is in their 30's. The youngest is Jung Kook and he is 26. Twenty-six is closer to 30 than it is to 20. Jin is the oldest and he is turning 32 this December. No one in this group is a minor. Sexual fantasies are not wrong and it's perfectly healthy to have them. Innocent schoolgirl (or school boy for that matter) crushes on celebrities are perfectly normal as well. Harmless delulu is fun. As they say, "delulu is the solulu." 

     Don't want to see it? Then I suggest you keep scrolling without comment. Minding your own business is free and will save you a lot of stress later. They are grown men and most of them have songs with sexually charged lyrics now so if they can sing about it why shouldn't we talk about it? We've all heard "Seven" and "3D" from Jung Kook. I love how he handled that rude commenter on his livestream who said that sex was dirty. He challenged her to explain why and I think she went away. RM has always added some element of sexual expression in his songs. In "Nuts" he praises the prowess of a woman who is "pro ridah" and continues the verse in the male gender mentioning a male "pro ridah." He mentions having a certain automatic body part on "버려 (Throw It)" from his first mixtape "RM." Agust D introduced us to the Hong Kong euphemism for orgasms. Like I said, they are grown men and they are letting us know they aren't little boys anymore. 

     Are these younger fans shaming older fans out of jealousy? Possibly. If they are taking their delulu fantasies too far and they honestly think on some level that they are going to end up with a member of BTS as their husband or boyfriend, it is feasible that they see older fans as competition. Sounds twisted but all one has to do is spend enough time on Weverse and it makes sense in a sad way. There are girls over there that I call the "Dear Diary" girls. They make cringeworthy posts scolding the members for cheating whenever they do a project with a woman. They get so specific in calling them out for "cheating" that it's sad really. If they are that deep in fantasy land then that explains why some are so quick to get jealous and resort to name calling and bullying when an older ARMY makes a joke about one of the members being her boyfriend or spouse or when an older ARMY expresses that they are ARMY in general. It's pathetic in a way that they would go that far. Reality is going to hit them like a ton of bricks when the guys reveal relationships and/or get married and they realize they have been acting like ridiculous little brats this whole time. Older ARMY knows better. We are mature enough to know the difference between fact and fiction, fantasy and reality. Maturity is realizing that your "idol" is human and not some forever innocent virgin doll that belongs only to fans under a certain age. 

    What can we do about these ageist trolls?  When we see that a member of ARMY has experienced ageist bullying, we back each other up and get a discussion going about how ridiculous the behavior is. It's such a beautiful thing to see the positivity in the way we back each other up and express concern for each other over something that is happening too often to too many of us. We should keep doing this and blocking the trolls and encouraging others to block them as well so they get less visibility and less engagement. We don't need their negativity in the fandom. We have enough to deal with. If it happens in real life I encourage you to stand up for other ARMYs when you see it and speak up for yourself if you can and tell others it's not their business what you like. What brings you joy is harmless and life is too short not to enjoy what makes you happy while you are here.